Canine

A gentle reminder to myself about the best qualities of our canine friends. Happy to see you when you visit or come home, take nothing personally, and quietly wait in comfortable silence when needed.

Mobility

While I wouldn't want it to be a primary home base, I'd like to have a trailer to haul us and the dogs around in. Maybe a popup camper. Something that can make an overnight visit to the Everglades or a week's trip up the coast. I'd drive west to see a desert sunrise again and a bonfire on a Pacific beach. It's nice having roots, but I like mobility almost as much.

Elements

I was the leader of the elemental army. I fought until the gods of the water arrived to wash away the enemy with broad swaths of current. The earth erupted in rock formations to shake off advancing forces like fleas. But still I forgot my pack on the ferris wheel and no one believed who I was. I was tempted to leave completely and start over somewhere else. Is it their fault they're mired in bureaucracy? Why should I try so hard to help them if they can't see through the webbing they're bound by? There's so much potential but they've forgotten who they really are.

Chaos

Before a great vision can become reality there may be difficulty. Before a person begins a great endeavor, they may encounter chaos. As a new plant breaks the ground with great difficulty, foreshadowing the huge tree, so must we sometimes push against difficulty in bringing forth our dreams. Out of chaos, brilliant stars are born.

prophecy

I've never had a prophetic dream, which is a relief, given the magnitude of violence in my head while I'm asleep. Sometimes I'm the killer, sometimes an observer. I'm rarely the one being attacked. I used to keep dream journals trying to find a pattern and how it related to what was happening in my life at the time. I gave up, never finding a correlation. When things are great, I have nightmares. When they're not, I have nightmares. I haven't had the adrenaline-firing night terrors in a while, though. I don't miss those. It's hard to tell what's real and what's a dream at that point. I'll always have at least one dog to raise the alarm in case what I think is a dream is real. If they're not concerned, then it's all in my head.

Sweet

Now for something sweeter. We made citrusy cinnamony sourdough French toast on Sunday, way more than we could eat for breakfast. The extras went into the freezer. Now a piece of that, thawed and toasted with blackberry jam, makes for a grinning Mouse. Ah, deep breath with some sugar and caffeine on the side.

And this. You should see this. According to the review of the Goats in Trees 2011 calendar:

Having purchased goats in trees calendars for the last 10 years, I must say they really outdid themselves this year. I mean these trees are full of goats! I know some people reading this review might be wondering, "why do I need more than 1-2 GPT? (goats per tree for those new to goat in tree (GIT) community", but I assure you when it comes to trees, more goats is better.

No.

I can't say it any simpler than that. If you want more clarification, how about, no matter how much time passes between whatever dysfunctional relationship that was, we will *never* be cool. Sure, my big loving heart forgives you for being a churlish violent fucktard, but I'm still armed and prone to being twitchy. Onward.

Comments

As soon as I convince myself that people are basically good and want to do the right thing, I read the comments under newspaper stories online and realize I'm mistaken. I guess it's easier to be a petty, self-righteous asshat.

Words words words.

I'm not too surprised that most Americans read on a 9th grade level. How many people pick up a book to be challenged instead of simple mental escapism, if they read at all? The brain wants to be used to stay sharp, but it takes some work. How many people give up those gym memberships because consistent training is hard? Today's dictionary word of the day is fulgurate. Very descriptive word. It means to flash or dart like lightning. I probably wouldn't use it in everyday speech, however. When I was young, I learned that when I used some of the less common words in the vernacular, I was stared at like a freak. It only made communication more difficult. I was called a smartass or a snob for using such words, so I stopped, in the interest of being understood. I think in general we've done exactly that, and as a result, many of us have lost the mental flexibility to pick up and use new vocabulary and the desire to keep expanding our reach. We're less concerned about sharing an idea by way of suggestive words that encourage another mind to take flight, and more about simplicity for the common denominator. I read my words above and wonder how many reading this will simply call me a snob and elitist. I don't take it personally. It's happened for as long as I could speak.

Experience

I knew that injuries sustained when younger come back to visit in time, but I doubt I would have done anything differently. Even my well-practiced skills of falling (either from a horse or in martial arts) wouldn't have saved me from my current reminders. It was all worth it. What do your scars say about you?

What would it be like

Can you imagine what the world would be like if everyone simply took responsibility for their own actions? If they realized that not everything is about them, and other people are affected by what they do? What if everyone acted with compassion and kindness instead of mere self interest? I'm not sure why that seems to be so difficult.

It's not Dan Brown

I write like
Leo Tolstoy

I Write Like by Mémoires, Mac journal software. Analyze your writing!

advice

I think the best advice I've ever received was when I was 8. I had an awful day at my first horse show and was in tears, inconsolable. My mother tried to calm me down, but I was hearing none of it. Finally she said, "It's done. You can't change anything that happened before. Move on and make the next one better." So I stopped crying and did just that. There's no where to go but forward.

shhh.

It's a rarity, but sometimes it's necessary to rest, recharge, and spend a day loafing. Good company makes it easier.

Lists

Cogs, rivets, and discs for bracelets and bobby pins. A brass lotus flower shining in a field of Mehndi. Clockwork insects. A mermaid in saturated colors. Shiny.

Alternatives

We have skills; we just need to determine where best to aim them. My head is filled with earthtones and metallics, pirates and clocks, taxidermy and new blood, bright blue skies with coming storm clouds. Full speed ahead!

Summers

I was laid off my full-time job five months ago, and it's hard to stay cheerful as I continue to look daily for work. It's almost July. I used to spend summers at the barn, happily mucking out stalls and exercising horses. I was there to feed before the sun came up. I enjoyed the endless cycle of turning them out and rounding them back up after they got their bucks out and had a chance to roll in the grass. All the soft noses extended to me for a scritch before I left in the evening with a promise to see them again at dawn. I'm not defined by my work, but I do like having a job where I serve a purpose.